He grew up in Canada. His dad was a traveling salesman, so they moved a lot. The family fell apart when Ryan was young, and he ended up being raised by a working mum and his sister. The family trouble affected him. He didn’t learn to read until far later than most kids. He brought knives to primary school and threw them at other kids, because for some reason his mum let him watch Rambo, and it was one of his favourite movies. He had ADHD. He loved Marlon Brando. Kids picked on him; he had no friends. At age 12, Ryan decided to go to a Mickey Mouse Club audition in Montreal. He was a cute kid, and they let him in. He then moved to Orlando, where he was taken in by none other than Justin Timberlake’s mum! He learned to perform. He learned to read. He learned to focus. He grew up.…and then he became Ryan Gosling.
Ten minutes on Wikipedia turned me from apathetic to advocate. I’m on Team Gosling, and I’m on it simply because I learned his story. A J Juliani
You may have experienced this phenomenon yourself at some point in time. It always seems to happen in the same way:
1: You don’t care about someone, something, or you have a preconceived notion of how you should feel about someone or something.
2: You hear, read, or watch a story about that someone or something.
3: You have a newfound respect, understanding, and empathy for that someone or something
This is not some magical trick that happens to all of us. It is the science of stories, and how they impact our learning and empathy for others. The short version of the science is this: Our brains pay special attention to stories, engaging more areas of the mind than when we hear or see facts, plus when we learn a good story, our brains synthesize the neurochemical oxytocin. This helps us feel others’ emotions and empathize with them. Scientists have shown that high oxytocin levels lead us to donate more to charity, be more interested in people’s well-being, and have more respect for “others” who aren’t like us. Whether it is Ryan Gosling, or a colleague, or a student, or an enemy. When we know each other’s stories, we find empathy in places we did not expect to find it.
Empathy involves an ability to perceive others’ feelings (and recognize our own emotions), to imagine why someone might be feeling a certain way, and to have concern for their welfare. Once empathy is activated, compassionate action is the most logical response. The question is, can we teach empathy?
It’s 2019. Collaboration, Creativity, Critical Thinking and Communication are seen as essential skills for all learners. Story telling is a powerful medium to gain or share insight and perspective in our learning communities. In the book of Mark, we read that Jesus was teaching by the lake. The crowd that gathered around him was so large that he got into a boat and sat in it out on the lake, while all the people were along the shore at the water’s edge. He taught many things through the powerful medium of story as parables. These parables shared the authentic lived experience that Jesus had with people through relationship, listening to their perspective to gain a personal understanding, not in sympathy, rather through empathy. Jesus models empathy in His leadership through noticing individuals, even amongst the crowd.
When Zacchaeus climbed up a tree, he was concerned that he would not be noticed. Jesus saw Zacchaeus and came to him, not because he was high up on a branch, but because he saw his need, his heart and his value as a loved and forgiven person. It’s always God’s work. He comes to each of us, every day, listens deeply to our story to understand our need and assures us of our value as a loved and forgiven person. Jesus shows us that one of the most innovative ways to lead may be to slow down, listen or even share in a story. Figuring out what story to tell, and how it connects, is the job of any great leader.
As we begin Term 4, with its time demands, how can we intentionally have time to notice others’, to ask how someone is and wait to hear the answer? Do we really understand how others’ feel or do we need to start with a question? Do you know a Ryan who?
Blessings as we serve, lead and learn together.
Darren
